Fatherhood and Manhood Part 6

I am prepping for a Fathers Day Sermon this weekend (Service starts at 10AM at PleasantView Community Church) so throughout the week I want to share some songs, tidbits and statistics regarding fatherhood.

Please feel free to share any thoughts or comments about the posts or better yet, share a favorite memory about your father!

Dr Meg Meeker wrote the following as a guest blog at Dave Ramseys website. You can view the original here. She wrote this, apparently addressing Moms but we all need to read this. Culture has waged war on Biblical Masculinity and Biblical Fatherhood, addressing Dads as either Dumb goofs as addressed here, or macho, disrespectful, womanizing jerks.

Great Dads vs “Dumb” Dads

Ray Romano, Homer Simpson and Adam Sandler (aka Big Daddy) need to go away.

Sure, these dumb dads give us a few laughs, but don’t think that’s all they do. Their funny stupidity, buffoonish mannerisms and lack of spine teaches us—and our kids—that dads don’t really have anything of value to offer their families. No wonder our fathers feel unappreciated and disrespected.

This Father’s Day, let me take a moment to set the record straight. Here’s what solid, scientific research tells us about the profound impact fathers have on their children’s emotional, physical, mental and intellectual growth:

  • Toddlers who are securely attached to their fathers are better at problem-solving.
  • The most effective way to boost a girl’s self-esteem is for her father to give her physical affection.
  • Kids who have fathers in the home are dramatically less likely to suffer from anxiety, depression and learning disorders.
  • Kids with fathers at home are more likely to get better grades, graduate from high school, and go on to college and grad school.
  • According to a study that looked at 90,000 kids, the number-one factor operating in teens’ lives that kept them away from sex, drugs and alcohol was “parent connectedness.” In other words, when dads were engaged with their sons and daughters, the teens were much more likely to stay away from high-risk behaviors.
  • Dads, not peers, are the primary influence in a daughter’s life regarding the decisions she makes about sexual activity.

Children are connected to their fathers by a need-based love. That means that the child needs his father to love him, so he will search his father’s expressions and body language to figure out what his father thinks about him. Does his dad see how he throws a baseball? Did dad notice the “A” on the top of his essay? A young girl reads her father for cues as well. When she walks into a room, she wants to know if her father notices that she’s there and if he thinks she’s beautiful. This sounds elementary to us, but we’re not kids looking up to the man we love who is an integral part of our identity development.

His Unmatched Authority

Every father has an authority in his child’s eyes that is unmatched. Mothers don’t want to hear this, but it is true. We are equally important, but we bring different strengths to our parenting. A father has this authority because children need their fathers to answer a few simple but life-changing questions: What do you believe about me? How do you feel about me? What are your hopes for me? The child will find those answers from his father, because he needs to know if he is important to his dad.

If he doesn’t get those questions answered from his father, he will answer them himself. If dad is never around, he will believe that his father doesn’t think much of him or love him. But if his father is active and present in his life, he knows that his father thinks the world of him. If his father is affectionate and affirming, he feels he is loved. When his dad talks to him about his potential to be great at something in the future, he knows that his father has high hopes for him. The answers that a child finds change who he becomes.

How to Give the Respect They Deserve

This Father’s Day, let’s do a little more than change the channel on Ray Romano. Let’s work to help our children show their dads the respect they deserve and give them the love they also crave from their kids. tweet this The dumb dad image needs to die, so let’s make him go away. The best way that we mothers can do this is to speak well of our husbands. If we aren’t married to our children’s father, that’s no excuse not to treat him with respect. These men are the ones who will determine the future health of our children.

What can you do today to show gratitude and respect to the father in your life? If your own father is alive, write him a note of thanks for giving you life and then for every good thing he gave you. If you are married, show your appreciation to your husband, not just for his sake, but for the sake of your children. Remember, every time you do something to encourage him, you help your kids.

The truth is, one of the best things that a mother can do for her kids is to help their father. Because strong fathers make strong kids.

 

 

Casey

 

Fatherhood and Manhood part 5

I am prepping for a Fathers Day Sermon this weekend (Service starts at 10AM at PleasantView Community Church) so throughout the week I want to share some songs, tidbits and statistics regarding fatherhood.

Please feel free to share any thoughts or comments about the posts or better yet, share a favorite memory about your father!

Dads, children will do what children will see. This is an essay by motivational Speaker John Maxwell. It is primarily based towards the work environment, but reflects human nature as a whole. IT applies to us Dads. Act the way you want your kids to act. Act as the the man you want your daughter to marry. Act as the husband you want your son to be. Act as the man you want your son to be.

People Do What People See

By Dr. John Maxwell

In your life as a leader, many things are beyond your control.

You cant control what your people say about you or think about you. You cant control the decisions prospective clients make about your company. You cant control your competitors marketing tactics. You cant control the national economy, the stock market or the weather.

But in the midst of an ever-changing, often uncertain environment, there is one thing you can control—your integrity. When it comes to being honest, principled and ethical, you are the master of your own destiny. Other people and external forces might test it in various ways, but at the end of the day, you alone control your integrity.

Integrity is all-encompassing. Its not something you demonstrate at home or church and set it on a shelf at work. People of integrity don’t live bifurcated lives; their morals, ethics, treatment of others and overall character are the same wherever they are, what ever they’re doing.

The foundational element of leadership is crosses geographic, religious, cultural and socioeconomic boundaries. As Fed Ex founder Fred Smith says, “If you look at every religion in the world, they all have the identical Golden Rule, almost word for word. It does not make any difference what religion or geography  it is. There are universally transferable fundamental truths about how you treat people in both the business world and in the larger scheme of things.”

When you follow the Golden Rule and live with integrity, you set n example that has a far greater impact than any words you could ever speak. Why is leading by example such a powerful concept? I can answer that with five short words: People do what people see.

It sounds so simple, but it’s absolutely true. And it applies to so many areas of leadership.

First of all, its the No. 1 motivational principle. If you want to motivate your people to go to a whole new level, get motivated to grow and develop yourself. Remember– people do what people see.

Second, it’s the No. 1 training principle. When someone asks me, “How do you train your people?” I don’t have to think twice about it– people do what people see. If they see their leaders constantly learning and acquiring new skills and competencies, they’ll be inspired to do the same.

Thirdly, “people do what people see” is the No. 1 mentoring principle. What do you do when you mentor someone? You flesh out your life for them– you give them an insider’s view of what you’re experiencing and how your handling it. The goal, of course, is for the person you’re mentoring to learn from your mistakes and successes so that when they are faced with something similar, they make the right choices.

Finally, its the No. 1 values principle. A company might spend a great deal of time formulating  impressive-sounding values statements and core beliefs, but these principles don’t mean anything unless the leaders in the company– from the corner office on down—model them consistently.

Why is adhering to the right values such an important par toff leading by example? Paul O’Neill, retired Alcoa chairman and former Treasury Secretary, gives us a clue: “If people can find even trivial examples of deviation, these deviations will become the norm,” he says. “You really have to be almost religious in making sure that you don’t do something somebody can point to in a negative way.”

In other words, if you want to lead by example in a positive way, you must be committed to living a life of integrity. When you are right on the inside, you lead correctly on the outside. It starts with you and spreads out to everyone in your circle of influence.

If you want to be a successful leader in turbulent times, live with integrity and lead by example. Remember– people do what people see.

This was given to me at a previous job by one of the only managers who believed in me. It had a great affect on me at the time in my poriofessional and personal life. When I left that job I actually lost the paper it was printed on and, though I always remembered it, I let it slip from my convictions.

It really can and should be used in our personal lives as well. I have been doing a lot of studying and some mentoring in regards to Biblical Manhood and this seems to fit right in. Men, this is vitally important when learning how to lead your families. Your wife, your kids, everyone around you,will do what they see.

Remember — people do what people see. Dads, your kids are going to grow up wanting to be just like you.

Casey

Fatherhood and Manhood Part 2

I am prepping for a Fathers Day Sermon this weekend (Service starts at 10AM at PleasantView Community Church) so throughout the week I want to share some songs, tidbits and statistics regarding fatherhood.

 

Please feel free to share any thoughts or comments about the posts or better yet, share a favorite memory about your father!

This one is modified slightly from a blog post I wrote on a different site about two years ago…

Why is it important to be a father? And to stayed married to their mother?

 

Chew on this…..

*63% of youth suicides are from fatherless homes (US Dept. Of Health/Census) — 5 times the average.

*90% of all homeless and runaway children are from fatherless homes — 32 times the average.

*85% of all children who show behavior disorders come from fatherless homes — 20 times the average. (Center for Disease Control)

*80% of rapists with anger problems come from fatherless homes — 14 times the average. (Justice and Behavior, Vol 14, p. 403-26)

*71% of all high school dropouts come from fatherless homes — 9 times the average. (National Principals Association Report)

*75% of all adolescent patients in chemical abuse centers come from fatherless homes – 10 times the average. (Rainbows for All God’s Children)

 

*70% of youths in state-operated institutions come from fatherless homes – 9 times the average. (U.S. Dept. of Justice, Sept. 1988)

*85% of all youths in prison come from fatherless homes — 20 times the average. (Fulton Co. Dept. of Correction)

*Students living w/out Biological Fathers:

36 % overall (complete population)

28% of white students

39% of Hispanic Students

69% of Black Students

 

*63 % of students living with no biological father live in a households with income of $25,000 or less

 

 

 

 

Now, am I saying that if you are divorced that you are a bad father? Of course not! I know many great dads who are not married. But there are a few things that I am saying.

  1. If you are a divorced father, you need to work harder to be an active part of your child’s life. These stats are not saying that the kids will be a part of these numbers, but the likelihood increases by a lot.
  2. If you are still married to the kids mother, this is not an excuse to not work hard at being deeply involved in their lives. Statistically, an emotionally absent, physically present father is not as bad as a physically absent father, but it is much worse than an emotionally present, physically present father.
  3. If you had a poor or non existent father, do not use that as an excuse. Use him as an inspiration to do better for your kids than he did for you. Look to your father in heaven as an example of how you should be as a father.
  4. If you had a good or great father, use him as an example. Learn from him and ask him advice. Do the same with your heavenly father. He has already written some of it down for you.
  5. If you are not involved in your kids life, why? MAN UP! If you are not being a father you are not a man, you are a boy who can shave. The Good News? There is still time to change and repent and ask your heavenly father for help

 

 

 

Casey

Deut 11:9

%d bloggers like this: