Fatherhood and Manhood Part 6

I am prepping for a Fathers Day Sermon this weekend (Service starts at 10AM at PleasantView Community Church) so throughout the week I want to share some songs, tidbits and statistics regarding fatherhood.

Please feel free to share any thoughts or comments about the posts or better yet, share a favorite memory about your father!

Dr Meg Meeker wrote the following as a guest blog at Dave Ramseys website. You can view the original here. She wrote this, apparently addressing Moms but we all need to read this. Culture has waged war on Biblical Masculinity and Biblical Fatherhood, addressing Dads as either Dumb goofs as addressed here, or macho, disrespectful, womanizing jerks.

Great Dads vs “Dumb” Dads

Ray Romano, Homer Simpson and Adam Sandler (aka Big Daddy) need to go away.

Sure, these dumb dads give us a few laughs, but don’t think that’s all they do. Their funny stupidity, buffoonish mannerisms and lack of spine teaches us—and our kids—that dads don’t really have anything of value to offer their families. No wonder our fathers feel unappreciated and disrespected.

This Father’s Day, let me take a moment to set the record straight. Here’s what solid, scientific research tells us about the profound impact fathers have on their children’s emotional, physical, mental and intellectual growth:

  • Toddlers who are securely attached to their fathers are better at problem-solving.
  • The most effective way to boost a girl’s self-esteem is for her father to give her physical affection.
  • Kids who have fathers in the home are dramatically less likely to suffer from anxiety, depression and learning disorders.
  • Kids with fathers at home are more likely to get better grades, graduate from high school, and go on to college and grad school.
  • According to a study that looked at 90,000 kids, the number-one factor operating in teens’ lives that kept them away from sex, drugs and alcohol was “parent connectedness.” In other words, when dads were engaged with their sons and daughters, the teens were much more likely to stay away from high-risk behaviors.
  • Dads, not peers, are the primary influence in a daughter’s life regarding the decisions she makes about sexual activity.

Children are connected to their fathers by a need-based love. That means that the child needs his father to love him, so he will search his father’s expressions and body language to figure out what his father thinks about him. Does his dad see how he throws a baseball? Did dad notice the “A” on the top of his essay? A young girl reads her father for cues as well. When she walks into a room, she wants to know if her father notices that she’s there and if he thinks she’s beautiful. This sounds elementary to us, but we’re not kids looking up to the man we love who is an integral part of our identity development.

His Unmatched Authority

Every father has an authority in his child’s eyes that is unmatched. Mothers don’t want to hear this, but it is true. We are equally important, but we bring different strengths to our parenting. A father has this authority because children need their fathers to answer a few simple but life-changing questions: What do you believe about me? How do you feel about me? What are your hopes for me? The child will find those answers from his father, because he needs to know if he is important to his dad.

If he doesn’t get those questions answered from his father, he will answer them himself. If dad is never around, he will believe that his father doesn’t think much of him or love him. But if his father is active and present in his life, he knows that his father thinks the world of him. If his father is affectionate and affirming, he feels he is loved. When his dad talks to him about his potential to be great at something in the future, he knows that his father has high hopes for him. The answers that a child finds change who he becomes.

How to Give the Respect They Deserve

This Father’s Day, let’s do a little more than change the channel on Ray Romano. Let’s work to help our children show their dads the respect they deserve and give them the love they also crave from their kids. tweet this The dumb dad image needs to die, so let’s make him go away. The best way that we mothers can do this is to speak well of our husbands. If we aren’t married to our children’s father, that’s no excuse not to treat him with respect. These men are the ones who will determine the future health of our children.

What can you do today to show gratitude and respect to the father in your life? If your own father is alive, write him a note of thanks for giving you life and then for every good thing he gave you. If you are married, show your appreciation to your husband, not just for his sake, but for the sake of your children. Remember, every time you do something to encourage him, you help your kids.

The truth is, one of the best things that a mother can do for her kids is to help their father. Because strong fathers make strong kids.

 

 

Casey

 

Fatherhood and Manhood part 5

I am prepping for a Fathers Day Sermon this weekend (Service starts at 10AM at PleasantView Community Church) so throughout the week I want to share some songs, tidbits and statistics regarding fatherhood.

Please feel free to share any thoughts or comments about the posts or better yet, share a favorite memory about your father!

Dads, children will do what children will see. This is an essay by motivational Speaker John Maxwell. It is primarily based towards the work environment, but reflects human nature as a whole. IT applies to us Dads. Act the way you want your kids to act. Act as the the man you want your daughter to marry. Act as the husband you want your son to be. Act as the man you want your son to be.

People Do What People See

By Dr. John Maxwell

In your life as a leader, many things are beyond your control.

You cant control what your people say about you or think about you. You cant control the decisions prospective clients make about your company. You cant control your competitors marketing tactics. You cant control the national economy, the stock market or the weather.

But in the midst of an ever-changing, often uncertain environment, there is one thing you can control—your integrity. When it comes to being honest, principled and ethical, you are the master of your own destiny. Other people and external forces might test it in various ways, but at the end of the day, you alone control your integrity.

Integrity is all-encompassing. Its not something you demonstrate at home or church and set it on a shelf at work. People of integrity don’t live bifurcated lives; their morals, ethics, treatment of others and overall character are the same wherever they are, what ever they’re doing.

The foundational element of leadership is crosses geographic, religious, cultural and socioeconomic boundaries. As Fed Ex founder Fred Smith says, “If you look at every religion in the world, they all have the identical Golden Rule, almost word for word. It does not make any difference what religion or geography  it is. There are universally transferable fundamental truths about how you treat people in both the business world and in the larger scheme of things.”

When you follow the Golden Rule and live with integrity, you set n example that has a far greater impact than any words you could ever speak. Why is leading by example such a powerful concept? I can answer that with five short words: People do what people see.

It sounds so simple, but it’s absolutely true. And it applies to so many areas of leadership.

First of all, its the No. 1 motivational principle. If you want to motivate your people to go to a whole new level, get motivated to grow and develop yourself. Remember– people do what people see.

Second, it’s the No. 1 training principle. When someone asks me, “How do you train your people?” I don’t have to think twice about it– people do what people see. If they see their leaders constantly learning and acquiring new skills and competencies, they’ll be inspired to do the same.

Thirdly, “people do what people see” is the No. 1 mentoring principle. What do you do when you mentor someone? You flesh out your life for them– you give them an insider’s view of what you’re experiencing and how your handling it. The goal, of course, is for the person you’re mentoring to learn from your mistakes and successes so that when they are faced with something similar, they make the right choices.

Finally, its the No. 1 values principle. A company might spend a great deal of time formulating  impressive-sounding values statements and core beliefs, but these principles don’t mean anything unless the leaders in the company– from the corner office on down—model them consistently.

Why is adhering to the right values such an important par toff leading by example? Paul O’Neill, retired Alcoa chairman and former Treasury Secretary, gives us a clue: “If people can find even trivial examples of deviation, these deviations will become the norm,” he says. “You really have to be almost religious in making sure that you don’t do something somebody can point to in a negative way.”

In other words, if you want to lead by example in a positive way, you must be committed to living a life of integrity. When you are right on the inside, you lead correctly on the outside. It starts with you and spreads out to everyone in your circle of influence.

If you want to be a successful leader in turbulent times, live with integrity and lead by example. Remember– people do what people see.

This was given to me at a previous job by one of the only managers who believed in me. It had a great affect on me at the time in my poriofessional and personal life. When I left that job I actually lost the paper it was printed on and, though I always remembered it, I let it slip from my convictions.

It really can and should be used in our personal lives as well. I have been doing a lot of studying and some mentoring in regards to Biblical Manhood and this seems to fit right in. Men, this is vitally important when learning how to lead your families. Your wife, your kids, everyone around you,will do what they see.

Remember — people do what people see. Dads, your kids are going to grow up wanting to be just like you.

Casey

Fatherhood and Manhood part 4

I am prepping for a Fathers Day Sermon this weekend (Service starts at 10AM at PleasantView Community Church) so throughout the week I want to share some songs, tidbits and statistics regarding fatherhood.

 

Please feel free to share any thoughts or comments about the posts or better yet, share a favorite memory about your father!

Adam Mitchell’s Speech for Fathers – Courageous

As a law-enforcement officer, I’ve seen firsthand the deep hurt and devastation that fatherlessness brings in a child’s life. Our prisons are full of men and women who lived recklessly after being abandoned by their fathers, wounded by the men who should have loved them the most. Many now follow the same pattern of irresponsibility that their fathers did.

While so many mothers have sacrificed to help their children survive, they were never intended to carry the weight alone. We thank God for them.

But research is proving that a child also desperately needs a daddy. There’s no way around this fact. As you know, earlier this year, my family endured the tragic loss of our -year-old daughter, Emily. Her death forced me to realize that not only had I not taken advantage of the priceless time I had with her, but that I did not truly understand how crucial my role was as a father to her and our son, Dylan. Since her passing, I’ve asked God to show me, through his word how to be the father that I need to be.

I now believe that God desires for every father to courageously step up and do whatever it takes to be involved in the lives of his children. But more than just being there or providing for them, he’s to walk with them through their lives and be a visual representation of the character of God, their father in heaven.

A father should love his children and seek to win their hearts. He should protect them, discipline them and teach them about God.
He should model how to walk with integrity and treat others with respect and should call out his children to become responsible men and women who live their lives for what matters in eternity.

Some men will hear this and mock it or ignore it.
But I tell you that as a father, you are accountable to God for the position of influence he has given you.
You can’t fall asleep at the wheel only to wake up one day and realize that your job or your hobbies have no eternal value but the souls of your children do.

Some men will hear this and agree with it but have no resolve to live it out.
lnstead, they will live for themselves and waste the opportunity to leave a godly legacy for the next generation.

But there are some men who, regardless of the mistakes we’ve made in the past, regardless of what our fathers did not do for us, will give the strength of our arms and the rest of our days to loving God with all that we are and to teach our children to do the same, and, whenever possible, to love and mentor others who have no father in their lives but who desperately need help and direction.

We are inviting any man whose heart is willing and courageous to join us in this resolution.
In my home, the decision has already been made.
You don’t have to ask who will guide my family, because by God’s grace, I will.
You don’t have to ask who will teach my son to follow Christ, because l will.
Who will accept the responsibility of providing and protecting my family? I will.
Who will ask God to break the chain of destructive patterns in my family’s history? I will.
Who will pray for and bless my children to boldly pursue whatever God calls them to do?
I am their father. l will.

I accept this responsibility, and it is my privilege to embrace it.
I want the favor of God and his blessing on my home.
Any good man does.
So where are you, men of courage?
Where are you, fathers who fear the Lord?
It’s time to rise up and answer the call that God has given to you and to say, “I will. I will. I will.”

Casey

1 Cor 16:13

Foundations

It has happened.

I am now answering to the title of “Pastor.” Combine this with having my first sermon marked on the calender (Jan. 12th) and my daily duties at the church, reality has hit and my life has changed forever, and my families lives as well.  Normally, I would be freaking out, having major doubts, or looking for any reason to question this momentous change.

And yet…. nothing.

Instead, there is a firm confirmation in my mind and in my spirit that this is exactly what I was meant to do.

God really has made me a Pastor…

There’s a mix of the funniest joke ever and the biggest life change miracle in that statement. I would never had guessed that God would be using me for his Kingdom in this way.

And in this, I am seeing how God built a strong foundation in my life. Its a foundation of knowledge, studying His Word, prayer, talking through doubts and questions along the way, listening when he speaks. I am seeing  how he chooses to open and close doors in our lives as he guides us. I am seeing the importance of others in our plans. I am seeing how encouragement, prayer and financial support, guidance and advice have a major impact on what we personally do, even if they have no idea at the time.

The sheer amount of time it can take to build these foundations is amazing. Yes, God can and does work very quickly in many peoples lives. But in my life, He only seems to move quickly after he has spent a long time working on me, building that foundation and He has prepared me for the next steps. Im already on my toes, so to speak.

Now, as a Pastor, interacting with others in the church daily, I am excited to teach, encourage, and help in any way I can others around me so that they can build their foundations of faith and plans for the future. I am also reminded that I need to continue to keep even closer to Jesus and his plan for me.  I need to do this to keep me from wandering form my path and thereby impacting others in a negative way.  It also highlights grace and forgiveness, both my need for them and the importance of sharing them with others.

As we get to the end of this this year and get ready to start a new one, with plans and “resolutions” of improving and changing, I ;ray that we all look at the foundations that are currently in our lives and which foundations need to be replaced, and which foundations we are placing our hopes and dreams in. I pray that we look at who we are allowing to help build our foundations.

I want to encourage us all  help build up others and help lay their foundations. We never know what tiny stone we add to that persons foundation can play an integral part. Many of you don’t know how much your stones have help my foundation.

Thank you, God Bless and Happy New Year

 

Casey

Matthew 16:13-20

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